For all the times he manipulated me to believe if I ate his left over food I would be blessed, I wrote this blog. For all the times he manipulated me to believe if I drink his left over water, I would be blessed, I wrote this. For all the times he wiped off his sweat and gave me the towels to use in prayer so that I would be blessed, I wrote this blog. Dear reader, I want you to know that I had a total of 15 face towels from "Daddy", the most he has ever given to anyone in the Church to date. Some women were jealous because they did not even have one towel, as Daddy only gave his "favourites" the special towels. For the times I joined the hundreds of women bowing before him crying. For the times he made me believe that his special "hugs" were anointed and just a hug from him would give me a breakthrough.For the times I spent on the phone pouring out my heart to him. For the hours I spent in prayer interceding for him and fasting for him. This is for the time I spent pouring all I had, giving my all to a ministry I called home, the paintings and the drawings, the dramas I did, the books I wrote, the Magazine I edited, for the songs I composed for Agape, for all that I wrote this blog. For all the women who have been betrayed and abused but are afraid and ashamed to come out and say it, I wrote this blog, because I am not afraid to bear the stigma that comes with speaking out about the unspoken abuse in the hands of men who take advantage of women like me.
For the day I saw an email of him talking bad about me to my husband. For all the days I cried to him that I was being bullied in Wigan and Liverpool Satellites and he told me they were jealous of me and I had to keep going. For the days I cried to him that my marriage was collapsing and needed his help and he did nothing. Yet behind the scenes it was him who was turning me against my husband and the other way round. For the wrong advice he always gave me to humiliate me. For instance it was him who told me to go to Church that fateful day I was abused and the ambulance called. I had told him I couldn't do it anymore at Wigan Satellite because of the bullying but he told me to go to Church anyway. A true child of God never misses church, he told me. Disobeying him was disobeying God you see. Thats what we were taught. For all the things he did to me that cost me my life, my happiness and my marriage, I wrote this blog.
Its worth the humiliation, its worth having the entire Agape Empire turn on me. Its worth all the malicious lies they are saying about me. Its worth it. Its worth it. Its worth it. Sometimes in life you have to give yourself away for justice to prevail.
So I have had my fair share of past mistakes. I have had my fair share of things I did I regret today. I have learnt from my past mistakes, and I believe every person in life is on that journey one way or the other. Even though I made mistakes in my life, it doesn't mean I can be abused and keep silent. Even if I had shot a rat, or even crushed an ant, which I never did, okay maybe I crushed a few ants here and there in my childhood, but I still don't deserve the treatment I received from Agape and continue to receive today. Agape is a greek word, meaning the unconditional love of God, sacrificial selfless Agape love. It is the highest of the four types of love in the Bible. Tell me dear reader, have you seen any of that Agape kind of love from any, even one child of Dr Masocha? Is this not the most crucial time for the ministry of Agape to demonstrate that unconditional Agape kind of love they swear by to a lost poor soul such as me?
On that note, as I finish off my blog. I leave you all with a poem I once wrote in 2011, on the 24th of November not long after my husband had led me to Agape. I presented the poem at the Women's Conference of Agape in February 2012. (The poem is on DVD as well as all the drama and acting I did for the ministry) Little did I know that one day God would use this poem to comfort me and heal me during the deepest darkest days I have ever walked on this earth. Allow me dear readers, to present to you the 5 Women in History who happen to be my greatest inspiration so much I wrote a poem about them.
COURAGE
I want to dedicate this poem to all women who have been abused and betrayed by the men who were meant to protect their future.
She was abused and used and she yearned for justice
She was a fighter and a woman of courage
She wanted to protect what was rightfully hers
She took a risk and claimed her destiny
Betrayed by the men who controlled her future
She fought for her right to believe in a loving God
By her bravery she preserved the tribe of Judah
Allow me dear reader, to re-introduce to you a woman of courage who never gave up, TAMAR
FAITH
I dedicate this poem to all women with past mistakes, who may think their shameful past has the power to shape their future.
She was like Rapunzel, waiting for her escape
Up in a tower on the city walls of Jericho she sold her body
She was a strong willed woman, who believed her redemption was nigh
It only took one day
The day she had been waiting for
Two Hebrew spies touched her heart
Determined that her shameful past would not shape her future
She professed her faith in an unseen God
She is a hero of faith in Hebrew 11 wall of faith
Allow me dear readers, to re-introduce to you a woman of great faith, RAHAB
VIRTUOUS
This poem is dedicated to all women who give up everything to follow their faith expecting nothing in return.
She was an outcast and foreigner
She gave up her family, her people, her future
To love a woman who had given her a husband
Better to her mother in law than ten sons
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing
But a woman who fears the Lord she shall be praised
She gave herself away and God honoured her
Allow me dear readers, to re-introduce to you, a woman of virtue, RUTH
FORGIVEN
I dedicate this poem to all women who have made that one mistake that will mar their reputation for the rest of their lives.
She made a mistake that cost her her reputation
She committed adultery and deserved to be stoned to death
But her beauty captured the desires of a King
And her pain changed the heart of God
So she became the beloved wife of the King
The mother to the wisest man who ever lived
Honoured by her son, she became the first Queen Mother recorded in history
A woman who was never meant to wear royal robes
Allow me dear readers to re-introduce a woman of unmerited grace, BATHSHEBA
FAVOURED
I dedicated this poem to all women who have dreams which seem impossible to achieve, who are waiting for that one moment when the impossible will become a reality
She was a young unknown woman who yearned to see God
She watched and waited for her Messiah
Little did she know the prophet Isaiah had spoken about her
Unfraid to bear the stigma of pregnancy outside of wedlock
She boldly trusted what God had chosen for her
All eternity had been waiting for this moment
And God chose her
Allow me dear readers to re-introduce to you a woman after God's own heart, MARY
These are five ordinary women chosen by God. The only women to be mentioned in Mathew's genealogy of Christ
Each woman is an object lesson to us all about the working of Divine Grace
Five unlikely women who changed eternity
Allow me dear readers to re-introduce to you the five ordinary women who I will make friends with in heaven
TAMAR, RAHAB, RUTH, BATHSHEBA AND MARY
The five women in the lineage of Grace.
With that I close this blog, as a woman misunderstood, humiliated, betrayed and abused by people who were meant to protect me. I am just a woman broken in pursuit of justice, a woman without a voice, a woman silenced and mistreated, but I will never stop fighting for my right not to be abused. I will never stop saying Dr Walter Masocha really was my "Daddy". Really he was, and it cost me my marriage, my dignity, and my I lost everything I worked so hard to build all my life, the beautiful place I once called home. By the way my blog was orange because orange is my favourite colour. Its a colour that represents passion, energy, happiness, enthusiasm, fascination, creativity, determination, attraction, success and stimulation. I will vow to fulfil the every aspect of the meaning of my favourite colour in my life.
Below are pictures of me and my husband at Scotland taken by Sandra in August 2012 . My husband was wearing a special T-Shirt "Daddy" had given him to wear when in need of God's favour. We had an important interview that day in Scotland hence my husband wore the T-Shirt. I was carrying countless "towels" of Daddy's sweat in my handbag...All I know today is the towels were anointed, but they brought nothing but bad luck in my life.
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